Aug. 31st, 2010 12:16 pm
devi: (Default)
[personal profile] devi
Dan's dad died on Saturday night.

He had lung cancer and was getting chemo, but nobody suspected it'd be that sudden. I was expecting things to drag on for maybe a year, slow and painful the way it happened to my grandmother and aunt, though I wasn't going into detail to Dan about the slow, painful bit. But no, he's just suddenly gone. Dan's gone home to be with his mum and brother. We are still going ahead with the plan as it stands, more or less, but he's going to be there a lot over the coming months helping them sort out the house.

He is being magnificent. As far as I can tell he's the one holding things together out there. I'm heartsick for him and yet relieved that his dad didn't have to go through, and he didn't have to watch, the agonising, undignified collapse into a shell of themselves that happened to my relatives.

He was a good man, decent and fair to the bone. He worked at the Hartwell garage for most of his life. He liked breeding chickens and fixing tractors. He was shy and jovial and had twinkly eyes and a fantastic shock of silver hair, and was constantly reading out little bits of newspaper the same way Dan is constantly reading out little bits of internet. He was, as far as I can tell, Dan's mum's only friend; Dan's really worried about her being lonely.

I don't really know what to say next. Everything is either too flippant or too dramatic in an inappropriate way. But I think Dan wanted his friends to know what's happening. He won't be at comics pub, but I'll see some of you later.

ETA: oh, you guys. Thank you all. I've pointed him at this post. x

Date: 2010-08-31 11:21 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ar-gemlad.livejournal.com
Next time you see him, please give him a big hug from me :(

Date: 2010-08-31 11:26 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bluedevi.livejournal.com
I will. Thank you.

Date: 2010-08-31 11:22 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dr-f-dellamorte.livejournal.com
Pass my regards on, how horrible x

Date: 2010-08-31 11:28 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] huskyteer.livejournal.com
I'm really sorry. My dad also died of lung cancer and it's not something I'd wish on anybody.

Date: 2010-08-31 11:33 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] concourse.livejournal.com
Very sorry to hear it, but as you say, arguably better than a long decline. Please do send my very best wishes.

Date: 2010-08-31 12:19 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bigcat23.livejournal.com
Awful news, pass on my regards to Dan. As you say, it's better than long drawn out suffering, but still a shock and still a huge loss. There's nothing really you can do except be there for Dan, but often that's the most important thing you can do. xx

Date: 2010-08-31 12:38 pm (UTC)
ext_34769: (Default)
From: [identity profile] gothwalk.livejournal.com
Pass my regards on.

But so much better than the slow way.

Date: 2010-08-31 01:36 pm (UTC)
juliet: (Default)
From: [personal profile] juliet
I'm so sorry. Pass my best wishes and condolences on to Dan -- as well as keeping some for yourself.

Date: 2010-08-31 02:36 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] j4.livejournal.com
I'm really sorry. Sympathy & hugs to Dan when he's ready for them, & to you while you're helping him through this. Take care x

Date: 2010-08-31 03:23 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] khalinche.livejournal.com
I'm really sorry to hear that. I will be thinking of both of you.

Date: 2010-08-31 03:27 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mollydot.livejournal.com
I'm sorry to hear that.

Date: 2010-08-31 03:38 pm (UTC)

Date: 2010-08-31 04:09 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ultraruby.livejournal.com
Ah gosh, I'm so sorry. Please pass on my love and condolences. Big hugs and love to you as well. xx

Date: 2010-08-31 04:37 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] secretrebel.livejournal.com
I'm very sorry to hear that. Take care of yourselves.

oh heck

Date: 2010-08-31 07:42 pm (UTC)
ext_36163: (platonicsolid)
From: [identity profile] cleanskies.livejournal.com
All the best to Dan and to you too of course xxx

Date: 2010-08-31 07:54 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kauket.livejournal.com
Love to both of you, and especially make sure you look after yourself so that you can help Dan through this.

Date: 2010-08-31 11:35 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bluedevi.livejournal.com
Thank you. And yes, would be great to see you in London!

Date: 2010-09-01 11:53 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] andyluke.livejournal.com
My thoughts and love go out to yous.

Date: 2010-09-01 09:17 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] libellum.livejournal.com
I'm so sorry to hear that. Talk about life's rollercoaster. Best wishes and sympathies to Dan and his family, and a big hug for you. xx

Date: 2010-09-02 12:20 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] socmot.livejournal.com
My sympathies.

Date: 2010-09-02 10:42 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] barnacle.livejournal.com
I'm so sorry. Please pass my condolences on to Dan. Make sure he finds time to look after himself as well as everyone else.

Date: 2010-09-02 09:11 pm (UTC)
glittertigger: (Default)
From: [personal profile] glittertigger
Very sorry to hear this. Please pass on my sympathy to Dan.

Date: 2010-09-03 04:03 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] monkeyhands.livejournal.com
Hugs to Dan. The quickness may have been a blessing in disguise, but it also means the death was a bigger shock to deal with.

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