o what care I for a goose-feather bed?

[devi]

I am closer than I've ever been to the room I have in my head. I got the first lot of my stuff back last night, from secretrebel's attic, and spent several glorious hours book-geeking – sorting them into categories and shelving them. Then I lit the lanterns I posted back from China and lay on the bed staring at the swirly patterns they make on the walls and thinking OMG my room is TEH COOLEST.

But today I woke up already feeling gloomy even before I was properly conscious. Yet another dark cloudy day, maybe. Or maybe it's the Red Wall oppressing me in some unconscious hardwired way. (Though I doubt it. I love the red wall.) I'm flat and uninspired and dwelling on things I shouldn't be. Even the books look weird to me. So many of them! So many words all over the walls! I'm not used to having so much stuff any more. I thought opening the boxes would be like coming home, but there was a funny undercurrent of unfamiliarity too. Like I'd broken the bond with the stuff by leaving it in an attic for seven months. Why do I have all this? I wondered.

I think I joined Oxford Freecycle at exactly the right time.

There was a girl at the bus stop the other night with her hand full of 2p pieces. She begged me to swap them for a 50p. I looked at her suspiciously even as I put my hand in my pocket, waiting for the catch. "I'm not a gyppo or nothing," she said. That word pisses me off (ever since the doctor who first shot me up with Depo-Provera said smirkingly, "We call it contraception for gyppos, you know") and I wanted to put the wind up her, so I said "What if I told you I was one?" I think she believed me. She said "Awww, bless!"

Then again, maybe being Irish and having had no fixed abode for half of last year would qualify me as one in her eyes. Who knows?

But it's great, even through the gloom I know it's great, to have a place to live again. And I know the books will come round. They're like wary pets who aren't quite sure what to make of you when you've been away a long time, but soon they'll remember me and love me again.

Comments

[bluedevi.livejournal.com]

Emo Cold! That must be it.

I wonder if you can cure it by listening to the most non-emo music you can find? (What would that be? Latin? Euphoric trance? What's the anti-emo for you?)

[juliet]

Hrm.... Helen Love! I actually have both a tape (from many years ago) & a playlist of Bouncy Music which I play for cheering-up purposes. It includes HL, & also Kenickie ("Come Out 2Nite"), "Girl All The Bad Guys Want", a couple of Raincoats tracks, some Bad Religion - that sort of thing :-)

[bluedevi.livejournal.com]

Yeah! Come Out 2Nite always does the trick. I have it on an excellent mix tape miss_newham made me. Now if only I had the means of listening to tapes :)

[juliet]

Do you have MP3-listening capability? I've probably got it somewhere...

[bluedevi.livejournal.com]

Oh, I only saw this now. I do indeed have mp3-listening capability - in fact it's my only listening capability at the moment!

I'm trying to collect mp3s of all the songs off that tape (though some of them could be a bit tricky, like the ones by Jo's own band!) so if you could send it, that'd rock.

[juliet]

sent to yr gmail address (more accurately: it is currently in the process of sending).