Repeating myself

[devi]

so tired - eyes full of fluff and bits of grit - throat achy and swollen from too many words passing through - brain achy from trying to explain – didn't stop till ten o'clock tonight - tired - neck doesn't want to hold my head up - reading things up for tomorrow and not a single concept more will go in - the webpage makes no sense to me - I read it again, still makes no sense – tired - two days off in the last fifteen - work in the evenings too - coffee breaks are not for coffee but for reading subject specs and staying just an inch ahead - lunchtime is for printing out exam papers – tired - did I say tired? I'm too tired to remember.

Everything else is stalled, the book, seeing people, even replying to comments, sorry. There is only work. Though even with this bombed-out brain I can recognise that the work is worth it.

I have a brief window for me in the morning, walking to the bus through the woods, through patchy frost and slanting sunlight, stopping to stare at blossoming trees. I never get to drink all of my morning coffee because it doesn't have long enough to cool, so I drink maybe half of it in small wincing gulps and when I leave the house sleep is still wrapped round me, warm and cushiony like my big black coat.

Then I get on the bus and start marking papers.