Strange Villanelle

[devi]

Written for iresprite who asked for "a poem with a sense of magic/wonder"

The rules can change within a single blink.
Right now what you can see is all you know,
But life is richer, stranger than you think.


You've learned to live and work and eat and drink,
You’ve learned the laws and guidelines as you go
But they can change, within a single blink.


You’ve felt your sense of wonder slowly shrink.
But silently, beneath the surface, grow
Things richer and far stranger than you think.


This solid world, pinned down in blueprint ink,
Can suddenly begin to shift and flow
For all can change within a single blink.


Of other lands we’re balanced on the brink,
As unfamiliar as your street in snow,
A richer, stranger world than you would think.


And even though I seem to smile and wink,
It’s not a joke. I’ve been there and I know:
The rules can change within a single blink,
And take you somewhere stranger than you’d think.

Comments

[dracunculus.livejournal.com]

yay for villanelles!

now give us a sestina ;)

[bluedevi.livejournal.com]

Eep!

[cosmolinguist]

That's really lovely.

[sushidog.livejournal.com]

That's beautiful! G K Chesterton would approve.

[mr_magicfingers]

That strikes a chord. Thank you.

[juliet]

That's lovely. And feeling very relevant right now!

[niallm.livejournal.com]

Not bad! Could benefit from a little tweaking though :)

I find villanelles much more satisfying when they actually vary their repeating lines. In my experience it's tremendously difficult otherwise.

[bluedevi.livejournal.com]

It was pretty difficult anyway :)

(Though suggestions for tweaks are welcome.)

I love the kind with variations in the repeating lines too. Especially when they're varied in ingenious ways that completely shift the meaning while most of the words still stay the same.

[liriselei.livejournal.com]

ooh, lovely !
though the first line of the last verse doesn't quite seem to fit the flow ?

[bluedevi.livejournal.com]

Hmm, I think you're right - the "although" puts the stress in the wrong place. I've been mentally pronouncing it as "AL-though" so I didn't notice.

[bluedevi.livejournal.com]

(For my own reference - edited later.)

[iresprite.livejournal.com]

Just FYI- I'm working on a villanelle for you in response. :)

[bluedevi.livejournal.com]

Oh, fantastic. Yours are *good*.

*applauds*

[jackfirecat.livejournal.com]

Neat. Cute.