devi: (fields)
devi ([personal profile] devi) wrote2007-12-27 06:25 pm

they'll know we are Christians by our love


masthead
Originally uploaded by bluedevi



Meet Alive!, the Monthly Catholic Newspaper, found at the back of my home village church in Ireland. Alive! loves priests, nuns, saints, religious cards, unborn babies, haranguing women on their way into abortion clinics, encouraging the Third World to have as many kids as possible, Lord of the Rings, and having a heart brimming over with the love and joy of the Lord (not the same Lord). It hates the EU, environmental campaigners, the EU, contraception, Philip Pullman (of course), the EU, transsexuals, Hillary Clinton, 'Mum and Dad role reversal', gay marriage, the EU, all other newspapers, and contraception. It hates any organisation or ideology with even the most tenuous connection to contraception, which I think is the main reason it hates the EU (what, there are other issues that matter? What nonsense!)

The full photo set is here. But here are some highlights:

Global warming is a hoax perpetrated by "various groups from population controllers to green campaigners... using the issue to push their own dubious agendas". Like contraception. Also, EU moves to destroy jobs and cripple our economy!

Alive! responds to its detractors in the media, part 1. Top part of article here ("Who wrecked Roisin's head?"). Plus, liberal agenda aims to destroy society.

Bottom part here. "A girl would have to have a well-wrecked head to oppose respect for natural and lifelong marriage or to think that violence against unborn children was ok." Plus, article about the ridiculous case of a man who "wants to have his procreative organs amputated, to dress like a woman and call himself Susie". Heavens!

Alive! responds to its detractors in the media, parts 2 and 3. The Irish Times is happy to call MTF transsexuals "she", "even if it means bending the truth... What a paper!" Irish Independent also indulges in "cynical, empty mockery".

A coffee shop at the gates of hell! "After seeing pictures of the developing baby and hearing of the possible aftermath of abortion Josephine knew that she couldn't live with herself if she had her baby killed..." Note that you can support it with money or with prayer and sacrifice.

Scathing critique of The Golden Compass: "One of the supporting characters in the story, Dr. Mary Malone, is a former nun who, as Vere points out, 'abandoned her vocation to pursue sex and science'."

Lord of the Rings "is a fundamentally Catholic work"

"Children are a country's future, yet EU development funds intended for Africa routinely demand population control programmes aimed at reducing the number of babies who are born..."

"Different girls were coming and going nearly every night, and people I didn't even know were doing lines of cocaine in the sitting room. If anyone had told at that time [sic] that I would soon join the Legion of Mary, I would have laughed at them."

I'm so down with the kids that I say 'Chow' [sic] instead of goodbye!

Humour column: "Dumbag" the little red devil utterly fails to stay in his persona of demon and tempter, breaking into strange glossolalia about "the fountain of life and joy" and declaring he "needs a nervous breakdown". D minus. Go read The Screwtape Letters and see me after class.

Also look out for the adverts. For example: "Holy Face books for reparation, also medals for same. 5 fold scapulars white, brown, black, blue, red." I'll have a multipack.

Oh, my.

[identity profile] parallelgirl.livejournal.com 2007-12-27 06:58 pm (UTC)(link)
It is its own satire, isn't it?

Damn

[identity profile] anam-uk.livejournal.com 2007-12-27 07:22 pm (UTC)(link)
I gave up religion(*) for sex & science, I only got one though and you can guess which.

(*) Mostly, giving up Catholicism is somewhat tricky, I find myself at mass at least once a year.

[identity profile] nonhae.livejournal.com 2007-12-27 07:23 pm (UTC)(link)
My house is one of the 342,000 it's delivered to. And just in case we miss it mum picks it up. Bad and all as it is, it pointed me in the direction of articles on contraception. Kinda. Which amused me.

[identity profile] cardinalsin.livejournal.com 2007-12-27 09:20 pm (UTC)(link)
Dude, you spent way too long reading that.

[identity profile] absinthecity.livejournal.com 2007-12-28 12:15 am (UTC)(link)
looks like a fabulous read. Could you sort me out with a subscription??

[identity profile] braisedbywolves.livejournal.com 2007-12-28 12:18 am (UTC)(link)
My standard view is that anything that hates Philip Pullman can't be all bad, but yeah okay, just this once...
Edited 2007-12-28 00:18 (UTC)

[identity profile] stiofan.livejournal.com 2007-12-28 02:20 am (UTC)(link)
People scare the fuck out of me sometimes, this is one of those occasions. This is almost 2008, what drives these people ??

[identity profile] undyingking.livejournal.com 2007-12-28 04:53 pm (UTC)(link)
So who did wreck Roisin's head? Inquiring minds demand to know (and to not try and read the article off the scan).

[identity profile] bateleur.livejournal.com 2007-12-28 10:17 pm (UTC)(link)
I particularly love the way the liberal agenda apparently involves advancing the ideas of Margaret Thatcher.

I hereby award that article the Golden Wut??! for 2007.

[identity profile] spyinthehaus.livejournal.com 2007-12-29 02:04 pm (UTC)(link)
"If [the EU] respects African people, why does it work to have fewer of them?"

Oh.

Wow.

Gosh.

On the plus side, I think Holy Facebook is a good idea whose time has come.

[identity profile] wyvernfriend.livejournal.com 2007-12-31 11:08 pm (UTC)(link)
It occasionally arrives on my doorstep.

My uncle occasionally passes it on to my parents. I have looked at it, what wrecked my head was their complaint about the sauna in the EU Parliament building being open to both sexes and "clothing optional". And? This was something to be worried about?

[livejournal.com profile] grutok regards it as good lining paper. It almost automatically goes into the bin

[identity profile] verlaine.livejournal.com 2008-01-02 09:42 pm (UTC)(link)
It's clearly someone's duty to start up a rival publication called "Dead!"...

Happy new year!