Fun with spammers

[devi]

I have an ad up on a website called A+ Tutors. So far, I've had lots of legitimate enquiries from decent, salt-of-the-earth people who just want their kids to get good grades... until Mr Frank Sam came along. Or maybe he's Mr Mark Rich. Or sometimes 'Frank from England'. It's not entirely clear.

Frank or Sam or Mark is a generous man. He wants to send me 4500 quid to teach his son English. But to do that, he'll need my state and zip code.



[the initial mail from him:]
Dear Sir,
How are you and you Family, This is Frank from england ,I am very interested in your teaching and i will like you to teach my son (English) and i will like to know the price for 1 week.so i will be expecting your mail, because i dont want my son to come home for now because i am not at home now.so i will be expecting your respond.Thank
Mr Frank

(At this stage I'm just thinking he's a slightly mad old man who has hardly any English. I've had ones that looked this silly and were perfectly legit before)

[me:]
Dear Mr Frank,

Thanks for your mail, but could you give me some more information?

Firstly, what age is your son? What year is he in at school? The price
for a weekly lesson will depend on what level he is at - for example,
it will cost 20 pounds up to GCSE level and 25-30 pounds if he is at
A-level.

Also, where do you live? Does your son live with you?

Best regards,
Deirdre.

[him:]
Dear Sir,
Thank for the mail,the price is okay with me £25 and i have
calulate for 1 week now which is £175 and i have make my mind to issue £4500 and send it down to your location. and i will like you to know that i have tell my son that he will come fo the lesson in your location his age 17 age and is speaking english too . so get back to me with your information details so that i will issue the cheque and send it to your area so get back to me as soon as you read my mail.
And the rest of the fund will send to my son in school so that he will come for the lesson thank.i will be looking forward to read from you.Thanks
Mr Mark rich

Here is the information you are going to provide for me for the next mail

Full name .............
home address...........
state..................
city...................
zip/co.................


[me:]
Dear Mr Sam (or Mr Mark Rich?),

I'm curious. Since you live in England, and I live in England, why do
you want my state and zip code? Also, how are you calculating this
£4500?

Best,
Deirdre.

[him:]
let me know you mind i am traveling to italy now and i will like you to get back to me on time because my son is now in school in united state and i will like you to get back to me with your information so that i will issue the payment and send it down to your location.

Here is the information you are going to provide for me for the next mail

Full name .............
home address...........
state..................
city...................
zip/co.................
phone number...........

[me:]
You asked me to let you know my mind, so here is what I think: I'm
sorry if this is all just an unfortunate misunderstanding, but I don't
think you are a real tuition customer at all. I think you are a
spammer. This is because:

- you seem to have two names
- you say you're from England, but you think England has states and zip codes
- you've come up with this figure of 4500 pounds without discussing
with me how many hours you need over what period of time. I do have a
full-time job, you know

So unless you can provide me with actual contact details for your son,
and a realistic proposal for how many hours a week you want, this is
the last mail I will write in reply to you.

Kindest regards,
Deirdre.


I'm looking forward to seeing if he replies to that last one!

But what I'm wondering is, what's the point? What does he hope to get out of it? Is it just snailmail address collecting, for the sending of junkmail? If so, it seems like a lot of bother. Or is there something more sinister going on?

Comments

[sparktastic.livejournal.com]

So random! How truly bizarre!

[bluedevi.livejournal.com]

I especially love the way I'm a 'Sir'.

[sparktastic.livejournal.com]

You'd think if you were trying to rip someone off, or get their address for nefarious purposes, you'd be a little more conscious of THEIR NAME.

Tch.

Idiots.

Your voice back now?

[bluedevi.livejournal.com]

This guy isn't even conscious of his own name!

It's more or less back, but it's great that this week is half-term test week so I'm not doing any talking, just sitting reading a magazine and watching the students scribble frantically...

[sparktastic.livejournal.com]

Ahhh yay for testing! I would like to sit around reading all day long...

oh wait.

I do do that!

:P

In other news, I seem to have totally fallen out of the Zokouto loop--are you aware of any plans for caffienated beverage consumption anytime soon?

[bluedevi.livejournal.com]

How was Thanksgiving, by the way? Sorry I couldn't be there.

[sparktastic.livejournal.com]

It was indeed very lovely. I was much more organized this year, and I expect I'll do it again next year.

Would you like to book October 9, 2005 for some turkey and veg?

[bluedevi.livejournal.com]

Sounds lovely - if we're both still in this part of the world. Will there be pumpkin pie? :)

[sparktastic.livejournal.com]

If I could find pumpkin, there would be. Sadly, still no source discovered. Woe!

Had cherry pie instead, which was nice as well. :)

[arosoff.livejournal.com]

Bit early for pumpkin I think? Seen other squashes in Waitrose though.

You can probably find the fresh ones in Asian markets. If you want Libby's in the tin there are American expat sites that sell it though you'd have to check if it's the pure pumpkin or the pie mix. (one confusingly lists it as "100% Pure Pumpkin Pie Mix"... it's one or the other!)

Or you could bribe me to bring some back from the US, I'll be going at least twice before next Canadian Thanksgiving!

[verlaine.livejournal.com]

Is Thanksgiving on my birthday next year, then? Very appropriate, even if I do say so myself...

[sparktastic.livejournal.com]

Hee! It is clearly A Sign.

Terribly sorry I couldn't make it to your birthday! I misunderstood and booked off Friday, only to discover it was Saturday! Woe. Glad to read you had a good time regardless. Shall have to present you with mix CD of Libertines/Babyshambles/Doherty acoustic at some point.

[verlaine.livejournal.com]

Man, if you could that'd be fantastic - I've just been thinking to myself I need to listen to lots more stuff by The Libertines this week!

[sparktastic.livejournal.com]

Really? I've got masses of stuff. Any requests?

[verlaine.livejournal.com]

I'd say "all of it" but that would just be greedy ;) Some sort of greatest hits compilation would certainly hit the spot, I don't actually own anything of theirs...

[sparktastic.livejournal.com]

I can do greatest hits and personal faves. :) Do you know any particular ones you'd like included? Tracks you've heard on the radio etc...

[alfaguru.livejournal.com]

It's a cheque scam. He'll send you a cheque, then shortly afterwards give some excuse as to why he needs some of the money back, hoping you'll send him it in return without waiting for his cheque to clear fully. His cheque will bounce.

There was a case in the paper the other day where a woman lost 1700 quid or something on one of these.

[bluedevi.livejournal.com]

Ah. Now it all becomes clear.

But it would all fall apart because I probably wouldn't have a penny in my account to send back to him. I would vanquish him by the cunning ploy of being broke! Heh heh!

[http://users.livejournal.com/_kent/]

You could wait for the cheque, and keep re-presenting it. That'd cost him a few bob.

[bluedevi.livejournal.com]

Would it really?

I briefly considered keeping it and framing it as an internet age curio, but that would be silly.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_kent/]

Well, you of all people know how much it costs verlaine every time he writes an ill-advised cheque. Volumes have been written on the subject.

I believe that if you present a cheque, and it bounces, it is returned to you. And hence, you can present it again. Costing him that £15 a time. Of course, you might also be charged for presenting a cheque that bounces, so best beware on that score.

I think framing the thing would be a good option.

[alfaguru.livejournal.com]

It would work - except that it won't be his cheque, it'll have been stolen. Do you really think these people use their own names and bank accounts?

[http://users.livejournal.com/_kent/]

Ah yes. Hadn't really given it that much thought.

[alfaguru.livejournal.com]

Tell him if he can afford to pay 4500 quid up front he's obviously a man of means so can you interest him in making an investment in this wonderful new invention by which a car can run on water. Once the market hears about it, the shares will just go crazy, but you can get him in on the ground floor...

[bluedevi.livejournal.com]

Yup, and I've got this Segway he might want to buy too, and a very picturesque bridge in New York.

[natural20.livejournal.com]

It's often Bank Drafts they use. You lodge this bank draft, your account is bumped up. Fair enough says you, I'll now write this man a cheque or wire a transfer back to him. Money departs. In the meantime the bank has noticed that the bank draft actually has nothing to back it up. Unfortunately you don't get to say "But he said...", the bank draft is cancelled, your account is debited by the appropriate amount and he's got your money. Slam dunk so to speak.

A recent case in Ireland nearly had someone taken for tens of thousands in a similar scam, but the postmistress asked the scamee to check that everything was legit.

And why do people fall for it? Because people are greedy and dumb. What a wonderful world...

[bluedevi.livejournal.com]

Hang on. I thought bank drafts had to be bought with cash before being sent, unlike cheques where the money's withdrawn when they're cashed. What am I missing here?

[natural20.livejournal.com]

I'm trying to find the details on this one. It may not be a bank draft (which as you say, is normally bought with cash), but I didn't think it was a cheque either. Damn, I need the exact details here. However the method used was essentially the same, the scamee's account was credited with non-existant money so they could send it back with the time overlap just enough for the scammer to get away with it, leaving the scamee to pick up the bill.

[bluedevi.livejournal.com]

Maybe it was a counterfeit bank draft?

[hawkida.livejournal.com]

It's a more targetted version of the Nigerian scams, I think. They get more and more details from you bit by bit then fleece you somehow. Usually the initial premise is that they have lots of money and want your help getting it laundered but there are all kinds of varieties. Like they offer to pay over the odds for Ebay auctions and stuff. Another similar one is to send you a cheque for more than the amount owed, get you to send a cheque in return for the difference and then get the original cheque stopped. It's got "dodgy" written all over it though.

[bluedevi.livejournal.com]

Oh yes. That much is obvious. I wonder has this guy ever successfully scammed anyone? He's catastrophically bad at it.

[mooism.livejournal.com]

It might even be identity theft. If this guy eventually asks for an SSN, it’ll be that. (Since he thinks Deirdre’s in the US — UK equivalent is National Insurance number, but I think they’re not as necessary for ID theft in the UK.)

[vardebedian.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it's just some money laundering nonsense. Ask him whether he was ever the brother of the Nigerian Foreign Minister and needs any diamonds moved around in a hurry, I bet it turns out he does!

[bluedevi.livejournal.com]

Maybe he's actually Mark Thatcher.

[ravenblack.livejournal.com]

I like the idea of arbitrarily deciding to purchase £4500 worth of tuition. It seems endearingly like buying a bag of sweets.

[mooism.livejournal.com]

Part of me wonders what would happen if I walked into Woolies and asked for £4500 of sweets. But not enough to find out…

[bluedevi.livejournal.com]

It's true, he makes it sound like going to the corner shop for milk. And then there's the way he seems willing to send his son to wherever I am, without even seeming to know what continent I'm on. Poor mistreated son!

[rainsinger.livejournal.com]

Oh that's fantastic.
*sniff*
Ever since Jasna went away she hasn't been forwarding me her really good spam and I keenly feel the loss.

Although the disorganised nature of this spam is fairly insulting to intelligence. Really, I expect a higher standard in scammers!

[alfaguru.livejournal.com]

Some fool I read the other day claimed that the illiteracy was deliberate and intended to lull you into a false sense of superiority. But since these arseholes are equally poor at spelling and grammar whether they are pretending to be your bank, the brother of some dead dictator or an international lottery, I don't think so. They are BRAINLESS, that's the truth of it.